08 July 2013

Ramblings about me..

A weekend spent pondering life and happiness and what makes me tick. It seems a strange thing to me that sometimes things just click and a thought forms and I have an 'Ahh Haa' or Light Bulb moment about myself. I find this strange and enlightening.

While this weekend was short on 'Light Bulb' moments it was however full of thoughts around what drives me. What is my overarching motivation in life. I have this constant need for change (not hard to figure that one out as we moved so often as kids that staying in one place is not normal for me) and excitement. I am bored easily and am always looking for the next big thing. Nothing unusual there, well for me anyway.

But my mini revelation came around my overall need to keep moving and for new and exciting stimulation from all things in life - work, life, love, family and friends. I like a good debate, a lot of culture and a sprinkling of the new and exciting. From discussions about politics and how the world should be run to the latest fashion styles and music. For me its a about stimulation - constant and ever changing. I dislike the everyday mundane routine of things. I always feel like I am missing out on something, that I was made for something bigger and better.

There is a massive world out there and it seems a shame to waste it all by not experiencing, seeing, touching, and feeling what is on offer. If I sit still then I must be missing out on something amazing.

This constant need to be bigger, better, stronger and see more does leave me feeling a little lost and lethargic when the energy reserves run out. Forcing me to sit still can have a positive effect on reenergising me but more often than not sends me into a tailspin of fear about all the things I could and should be doing.

All these things make me feel excited and energised as there is so much possibility for greatness everywhere I look. I have never mastered the art of enjoying what I have, but rather enjoy the art of achieving as more exciting than sitting back and basking in the end result of my efforts. That I can try is more exciting. Once tried means I can move onto the next thing. I liken it to those on drugs who get an initial high but then need more and more to get the same feeling. (Or so I think in my limited experience on these matters.)

So while I enjoyed Game of Thrones Seasons 1, 2 & 3 - by the time Season 4 hits Australia I would have moved on. Spartacus is still getting a good viewing (What is there not to love about muscled men in next to nothing flexing their muscles??) and I have to admit to a strange addiction to America's Next Top Model as well. But these love affairs are fleeting and while I throw myself into them now, I will have forgotten about them all in a month or two.

I wonder if I am the only one? Are there other people out there that feel this burning desire to see and do everything? I think I need to surround myself with some that will understand my need and fuel it as well as those grounded people who can remind me that the things I have are worth enjoying.

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